Where are you God?-Hope

doveWhere are you God?- Hope when you feel hopeless

Sitting there in my friend Amy’s office crying. “I just don’t know what I will do” I said. You just have to trust and believe in God. He is working it out, Carolyn” Amy said. This has been one of many discussions of this type that Amy and I have had over the years. Believe God. Yeah, that’s been pretty hard for me to do.  I resort back to the times in my life I did just that only not to have things work out. I wanted my marriage to be healed. Didn’t happen. I wanted my Mom to live, didn’t happen. I wanted my love life to work the way I wanted it to. Didn’t happen. Sometimes believing in God is hard. We get an idea of how things should go. Then when they do not go that way, we feel like God failed us.

I always wonder if the saints in the old testament felt that way. I think of Abraham. I wonder if he thought God was failing him as he was walking up that hill with Isaiah. He knew that God wanted him to sacrifice one of his most prized possessions. I wonder if Joseph thought he was ever going to get out of that hole his brothers put him in. Did either of them felt a twinge of despair? We know that David felt despair when he was in hiding.

He says in Psalms 42:5 “Why am I discouraged, why is my heart so sad.”

In 42:9,10 he continues “Oh God my rock, I cry. Why have you forgotten me? Why must I wonder around in grief, oppressed by my enemies?” Their taunts break my bones; they scoff “Where is this God of yours?”

When we are in the deepest battle of our life, sometimes we wonder if God even hears us cry out. True, God didn’t save my marriage but I now realize He was saving me. Because of that battle, I came through victorious and more aware of God’s presence and glory in my life.

If you are going through something and you are wondering where God is, if you wonder is He hearing your cry, trust me He is. He loves you. He knows how you are suffering. Know that God’s ways are not our ways. He is perfect in every way. He is molding you into something great. Put your hope in Him.

Romans 5:2-7   

through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.  Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.”




“But he said to me. “My grace is sufficient for you; my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

Let me tell you something, I am scared of rejection. The thought of someone, not liking my ideas, suggestions or even worse not liking me, puts me into panic mode. It gets so bad sometimes that I have failed to go to a job interview, or witness to a person that needs to hear about God or step out of disobedience to God’s voice. Am I the only one in this boat?

Rejection is just plain nasty. It is an ugly monster that rears its ugly head up to intimidate us. It makes us bring things to the surface that was hidden deep in our soul that traumatized us years and years ago.

I remember when I was a child I was always rejected to be on picked for a team at recess. I was an overweight child and not very athletic so no one wanted me on their team. I remember crying on the playground because all I ever wanted was to be wanted. I still struggle with this today. Every time I don’t get the invite, every time I get told my idea won’t work, every time someone corrects me about my attitudes (believe me I have plenty that God is still working on) it takes me back to that little girl on the playground.

Don’t we all desire acceptance? We all crave the affirmation of others. Satan knows this and uses that against us to make us think we are not worth anything. He is after all here to kill, steal and destroy.  He knows if he can steal our self-worth then he can use our past hurts and fears against us. He can make us weak!!

Jesus tells us differently. He tells us “His grace is sufficient. In the amplified bible it adds: My loving-kindness’, My mercy are more than enough—always available—regardless of the situation.” He is more than enough. He also tells us that “His power is made perfect in weakness.” It is in our weakest time, that God’s power is revealed.

Rejection isn’t fun but we know that our Creator will never abandon us. We will always be His top pick. It is through Him that we can remain strong in our weakest points of life. Our past rejections can give way to the power and strength shown through us by Jesus if we just give it all to Him.




Caught with Salt in Our Mouths


Caught with Salt in Our Mouths

 “ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.” James 3:9-12


I remember when I was little my Mom would say something nice about me then turn around and in the same breath criticize me. I didn’t understand how I could be a good girl but have all these bad traits. For me it was either black or white there was no gray area. Either I was a good person or a bad person. I still think that I am like that to this day, and thus, have a hard time when people try to give me positive criticism. I must admit though there has been times that I was caught with salt in my mouth. I am guilty!!

God is like that in the same way. He is black and white God. Either what comes from us is positivity or it is negativity. We can spring forth fresh water living water that encourages our brothers and sisters in Christ or nasty sea water that’s bitter and leaves a bad taste in their mouths. What about those that don’t know Christ? Does what we say (especially statements on social media) bring forth that fresh water that reflects the living water of Jesus Christ? Do we claim to have fresh living water in us, but spit out nasty salt water as many times as we do the other? We must always remember that our words are weapons, they can hurt, they can encourage, and they are the very essence of what we are thinking.

Lord I want my words to be fresh; I want them to reflect you, the God who has the endless stream of fresh
living water.

God’s Garden

This weekend I so wanted to work in my flower beds, but it was impossible. The rain has made my garden nothing but mud and mush. Every time I took a step, I sank farther and father in the mud.  I asked God “God why all the rain? Can’t you see that my flowers are drowning? Too much water and the flowers will die.

Sometimes in our lives trouble just rains on us. Stress and worry pours on our hearts like the rain showers we have had this year so far. Like those poor flowers, sometimes we feel like we are sinking in the mud. We feel that all that is left of our life is just mushy wet dirt. I have been to the bottom of the dirt, and during that time I cried out to God, “God, why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me go through all these things? Where are you? Can’t you see I am drowning? Do you even care”?

Hey I don’t think I am the only Christian that has felt that way. I am sure David felt that way when he was in hiding from the King Saul, and I am sure Joseph felt that way when he was sold to slavery by his own brothers. You see, we all have times in our walk where God has us planted deeply in the dirt. So deep we think we might drown and die.  He knows our future.  The seeds that were drowning in April showers are the same wonderful blooms that appear in May’s flowerbeds.  God works that way with us. He lets us sit in the dirt, soaking up the mush and the muck. He lets us get to the point where we think we are for sure going to die and then He works His magic. He takes a withered up person, one that needs to rely on Him to grow, and turns us into beautiful blossoms and all this is so He can be glorified.

So, my friends, if you are in a place where you feel like you are drowning, dig down deep and get into the root of your Heavenly Gardner. He has the ultimate fertilization. He can take a wilted rose and make it a prize beauty. He won’t let you down; He is just preparing you for something beautiful!


“ For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.” Isaiah 61:11 (NIV)






In a few days the world will be celebrating the best gift ever given, the gift of the Messiah, Wonderful Counselor, Redeemer, Everlasting Father, Protector, our Comforter. . John 3:16 in The Message says it so clear “This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life”. The NIV bible states “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. To think, He gave up His precious baby boy to us, to you, to me.

Truthfully many times I have asked why? I am not worthy of such love. My brokenness and hurt has made me feel unloved and unworthy of such love. I struggle everyday to accept the love God has for me. The unconditional love that He has for each of us was there even before we were born. Before we were even formed He knew us. Psalms 139:1(NIV) “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me”. But God loves us just as we are. He loves the brokenhearted and the lost. He loves us, flaws and all. Romans 8:39 proves this neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord”.

This Christmas reflect on the truth in God’s word. Reflect on how serious He loves us, so serious, so passionate a love that He would give the life of His precious child for us. Accept God’s greatest gift to us. From now on when you see that baby laying in the manger KNOW that he is there BECAUSE HE LOVED US!!!

Speak Life


It has been a long time since I blogged. I guess I have just been really lazy. But lately God has put these two words into my spirit. SPEAK LIFE!! 

We wouldn’t think that a few little words could impact a person in a tremendous way. When my daughter Kimberley was younger, she wanted to take ballet. I told her she didn’t have the body to be a ballerina. Little did I know how that would affect her self-image for years to come. I never meant that there was something wrong with her, I just didn’t want her to get hurt, because truthfully, how many little girls become ballerinas? I was trying to protect her from pain but in truth I caused her pain.

As Christians sometimes the things we say to others, even when we say them with a loving heart, can scar them emotionally. Proverbs 18:20-21 in The Message says Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach, good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest. Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.”

We need to be careful of what and how we say things. We as Christians need to be edifying others up and not tearing each other apart. Speak life into your brothers and sisters in Christ. Speak life into those that don’t know the love of the savior. Speak life into our children for they are our future.  For as it says in Psalm 19:14 “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O  lord, my rock and my redeemer.

It’s not who we WERE but who we are BECOMING


It has been a while since I’ve wrote anything in my blog but,  God has been pressing on my heart to get back to it. Blogging for me is not just therapy (which everyone that knows me knows how bad I need therapy) but it is also a way that I can minister to others and tell them about the good news and that news is that Jesus loves you!

The Empty Tomb

20 Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed(They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) 10 Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.

Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene

11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. 13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. 15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”). 17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” 18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.

This Sunday is Palm Sunday and kicks off Holy Week. Easter is a wonderful day indeed. Jesus my Lord and Savior rose from the grave proving that He was Lord and the Messiah. But Easter also has another meaning to me. Easter 2012, was the day that I broke loose those chains and weights that were holding me down. Easter 2012 was the day I became free, the day I became alive again. All that hurt and pain from my past was gone and I became new again. Christ freed me of guilt, shame, grief, hurt, anger, depression and so many other things I kept hidden deep inside. Because a man, who I never met, let Himself be abused, beaten, then nailed on a cross till He died just for me, I can say that I am finally free to live. His love changed me that day.

I am different than I was the day before Easter 2012. I am not perfect. I am human and I still fail Him on a daily basis. At the beginning of 2014 my motto was “Don’t just believe in God but Believe God” that has now changed.  God keeps evolving me into the creature He wants me to be.  Every day my old self dies and my new self appears. Every day I get closer and closer to what He wants for me. With every metamorphous I have, God’s destiny for my life unfolds.

Jesus love was not mine alone, He died for all of us. This Easter remember that through His death we might live in freedom. When Jesus was resurrected from the dead so were we. Through His love and Grace we can become a new being, a person fully alive. Through shedding of His blood our old self, our old hurts, our old ways (thank God for His forgiveness) have become white as snow. So take heed to me new motto and use it. Take a hold of this freedom we have in Christ. Remember: It’s not who we were, but who we are becoming